The Mental Load of Women: Shifting from Burnout to Presence
As a mental health counselor working with women—especially expats navigating life in Switzerland—I often hear the same theme in my sessions: "I feel like I'm constantly running on empty” and “I feel overwhelmed.”
The invisible mental load of women is relentless.
It’s not just the physical tasks of managing a household, a career, relationships, and personal growth—it’s the never-ending mental checklist that keeps running in the background. Did I schedule that doctor’s appointment? Did I forget to respond to that email? What do we need for dinner tonight? It’s exhausting, and over time, it leads to burnout, anxiety, and even depression.
But what if life didn’t have to feel like one long to-do list? What if we could shift from feeling like we’re just getting through the day to actually living it?
Mental Load and Burnout
The mental load—also called cognitive labor—refers to the often-invisible emotional and mental effort required to keep life running smoothly (Daminger, 2019). It’s particularly heavy for women who tend to carry the weight of both physical and emotional caretaking, whether for children, partners, or even colleagues.
For expat women, this load is compounded by the challenges of navigating a new culture, learning a new language, and building a support system from scratch. The pressure to "have it all together" often leads to self-judgment and an internalized belief that struggling means failing.
When we live in this state for too long, our nervous system stays in high alert—leading to chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances (Deligkaris et al., 2014).
From Overwhelm to Presence: Mindfulness as a Path to Relief
One of the most powerful shifts we can make is moving from a task-oriented mindset to one of presence. Instead of seeing life as something to manage, we can start experiencing it.
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) offers practical tools for breaking out of the autopilot mode of stress and into the present moment. Studies have shown that MBCT helps reduce anxiety and depression by changing our relationship to stressors rather than just trying to eliminate them (Kuyken et al., 2016).
Here are three simple ways to begin integrating mindfulness into your life:
1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
When overwhelm hits, pause and name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This practice pulls you out of your racing mind and into your body, reminding you that you are here, now.
2. Mindful Transitions
Rather than rushing from one thing to the next, create small pauses between activities. For example, after closing your laptop at the end of the workday, take three deep breaths before moving into household tasks. This helps signal to your nervous system that you are shifting gears rather than running on autopilot (Garland et al., 2015).
3. Reclaiming Small Moments of Joy
Instead of thinking about what needs to get done next, try bringing full attention to the moment you are in.
Feel the warmth of your morning coffee before taking a sip.
Savor the feeling of sunlight on your skin during a walk.
Listen to your child’s laughter without thinking about the next task.
These moments may seem small, but they are where life actually happens.
You Are Not Just What You Do
Existential therapy reminds us that life’s meaning isn’t found in endless productivity, but in how we engage with our experiences (Yalom, 2011). You are not just what you accomplish. Your worth isn’t tied to how efficiently you manage life’s demands. You are a person, not a task to be optimized.
If the weight of your mental load feels too heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone. Therapy provides a space to explore the expectations, pressures, and deeper fears that keep you in this cycle—so you can finally step off the hamster wheel and into a life that feels yours.
I’d love to help you navigate this journey if this resonates with you.
References
Daminger, A. (2019). The cognitive dimension of household labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609-633.
Deligkaris, P., Panagopoulou, E., Montgomery, A. J., & Masoura, E. (2014). Job burnout and cognitive functioning: A systematic review. Work & Stress, 28(2), 107-123.
Garland, E. L., Farb, N. A., Goldin, P. R., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2015). Mindfulness broadens awareness and builds eudaimonic meaning: A process model of mindful positive emotion regulation. Psychological Inquiry, 26(4), 293-314.
Kuyken, W., Warren, F. C., Taylor, R. S., Whalley, B., Crane, C., Bondolfi, G., ... & Dalgleish, T. (2016). Efficacy of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy in prevention of depressive relapse. JAMA Psychiatry, 73(6), 565-574.
Yalom, I. D. (2011). The gift of therapy: An open letter to a new generation of therapists and their patients. Harper Perennial.
